Teaching Your Daughters About Body Positivity

It's so difficult when we, ourselves, look in the mirror and not always like what we see. How in the world are we going to teach our daughters, granddaughters, and nieces to love themselves... flaws and all?

We hear all the time body positivity. But what does that exactly mean? Let’s start with body image first. 

What is Body Image?

Body image is a broad term that refers to the way you perceive yourself when you look in the mirror as well as the mental image you have of yourself. Body image involves the way you feel about the shape, size, and physical appearance of your body, as well as the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs you have about yourself.

So, when you look in the mirror, what are your first thoughts? When you see yourself in pictures, (before they are edited ;) what comes to mind? Is it, ‘Oh. I look happy and look at all the fun things I am doing!’, or is it… ‘ugh, I look fat’, or ‘I should never wear those pants again’? We have all been there.

Fight Negativity with Positivity

We tend to focus on the negative and bypass the positive, especially when it comes to our own self-perceptions. Here’s another kicker, not only are you feeling that negative vibes and not loving yourself, but so is your daughter. I know what you are thinking… I already have so much on my plate and barely keeping my head above water, and now I’m supposed to always be positive, especially around my daughter?!

No of course not! But being mindful of the damage you are doing to yourself hurts more than just you.

I’m all for positive thoughts, I know what an impact they have on my mental state. But I’ll be honest, I can’t look in the mirror and say words of affirmation. I just truly don’t believe them and your brain knows when you are lying or not!

What does work, is finding what you do like about yourself! And you can train your brain to think in terms of positivity rather than negativity. Ever been around someone who’s just the most negative person ever? Or on the flip side, how much you enjoy the company of that one friend who is so positive and just makes you feel good about yourself and the world. That’s not nature, that’s nurture. Those people have worked to be that way. Practice makes perfect, right? Or is it perfect practice makes perfect… you get the drift.

Tip #1:

A great tip to promote a positive body image in your daughter (and yourself) is to get into the habit of challenging every negative thought with 3 positive ones.

This can seem silly and even a bit tedious, but this will eventually train your/her brain to focus on the positives instead of the negatives, which can have a profound impact on her internal dialogue and mental health. 

Whenever I end a coaching session, I have my Glo Girl (client) tell me what they love about their body, talents, and whatever they are struggling at that time with. I always end the session with 3 positive thoughts. It leaves them on a high of positivity.

What Body Positivity Isn’t

There is a lot of confusion out there about really what body positivity is. It’s hard to navigate through all of it when you are told to love yourself, as you are, but when you look at yourself you just don’t feel that way.

It is All or Nothing

There are many body positivity advocates out there who make it seem like body positivity has to be all or nothing. You either love your body or you hate it (there can be no in-between), and if you don’t love everything about it, you are failing. Not like we don’t have enough pressure on us as is!!

But loving your body doesn’t have to mean you are giving up on it. We don’t have to strive for perfection.

For me, loving my body actually makes me want to take better care of it. Loving my body means I pay more attention to how it feels and the cues it sends me. I don’t feel good when I only eat junk food, don’t get enough sleep, or watch YouTube all day.

Sometimes, especially with social media, it seems like body positivity means letting yourself be exactly how you are right now. Like, if you are going to love your body, then you have to love it as it is right now and never want to make any changes.

You can’t talk about not eating better foods or wanting to exercise to drop a few pounds to feel better, because that isn’t loving yourself. Which is crazy! We should keep our bodies healthy. This might mean cutting out toxic foods, or maybe losing a couple of pounds so you can get out of bed and not have your joints hurt!

Body positivity should be about loving your body enough to take good care of it, and for me, that means I don’t eat as much chocolate as I would like to or getting out of bed to hit up the gym.

Making the Best Choices 

Body positivity is about loving who you are and how you are different from everyone else. There is only one you in this world! By embracing your whole self, you love what you like about your body, accept your shortcomings, and work on what you can, that’s the best we can do! To me that’s body positivity. You live in your skin and don’t let others dictate how you should feel about your body.

You don’t have to love everything about your body, but you can realize that you only have one body in this life, and it deserves to be taken care of and appreciated.  

Changing the way we view our body doesn't happen overnight. Our mindset about who we are and what we look like changes day to day. Some days we will feel great, and other days we may need a boost. It isn't stagnant. Being patient with ourselves is where we need to start. 

Our Daughters!

Ok, so you are probably reading this thinking… ‘hmm, this is all about me and not my daughter’. Unfortunately, it starts with you.

Bruce Lee once said, “Don’t even speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body knows the difference”. Yikes! But you’ve heard the statement when someone jokes it’s usually half true. And your mind really doesn’t know the difference.

It does take a lot of work to avoid negative self-talk. Our daughters hear how we speak about ourselves, and they begin to look inward at themselves. If grandma says I hate my thighs because they are so fat, then someone comes you to grandma, your mind already goes to… I have fat thighs too. And so, the cycle begins.

The first step begins with how we speak about ourselves, not just around them but at all times.

Social Media

You knew this one was coming! This is tough because it really does connect us to the rest of the world. We not only connect with loved ones and new friends, but we learn new and exciting things. But for our girls, whose bodies are changing, this can be so damaging to them!

Many girls these days think that if they have the perfect body then they can show it on social media and they will have a ton of followers, like the accounts they follow. Or they start doing challenges to have a celebrity lip, that is putting them in the hospital! They not only want to emulate what they see on social media, but they feel they aren’t enough compared to what they see. This is so damaging to their mental, physical, and emotional health.

They did a study and compared grade school children in China to the U.S., kids in China used social media for education and aspired to be engineers and doctors, while 90% of kids in the States said they want to grow up to be influencers. We might want to rethink what and how much our daughters are on social media.

Tip #2: 

Consider monitoring, or at least limiting, your daughter’s social media usage and encourage them to follow accounts that are supportive and uplifting.

Apps and Filters

I was a makeup artist for many years. I did runway to weddings. I used to take it as a compliment when my client would say, “Wow I don’t even recognize myself!” Who wants to not recognize themselves on their wedding day?! Now looking back, I think how sad that is.

With having said that, I can change the look of anyone, to the point they don’t even recognize themselves. That’s with just makeup and then adding lighting. Think about all the filtered apps we have now! Your daughter doesn’t know the difference. She doesn’t understand that hair, makeup, lighting, and apps are what makes the girls they follow, look completely flawless.

Tip #3:

It’s time to start educating them on what’s the difference between 'real' and 'filtered beauty'. These filters often distort the teen’s perception, making them feel like there’s something ‘wrong’ in the way they look naturally, without the filter. Make sure you let your teen know that she is beautiful with or without the filters.

Every Body is Different

Unfortunately, you can see how people are starting to look the same. How many times have you been like is that that one celebrity… nope that’s just someone that looks just like her. It needs to stop! What a boring world it would be if we all looked the same. What makes this world exciting, and fun is the uniqueness of everyone living in it.

What’s more important is taking so much pressure off how we look and more focus on what makes us happy. What skills and talents can we focus on rather than what our picture on Instagram looks like? This message is extremely important for our young girls to tackle now when they are developing their minds. If we guide them now as they are young, they will become beautiful adults who can truly give back to the world that shaped them to be the amazing individuals they are meant to be!

Tip #4:

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